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I have been close companions for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered many challenges, her resilience is commendable. But, she's repeatedly blindsided in relationships. Her spouse ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Many of her social circle disappeared during that time, since they had been drawn to her husband. This surprised her deeply. She made more effort to be my friend, likely realised more acutely what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

In the time since, many in her circle vanished without her being certain of the reason. Her last employer turned on her, despite the fact that she had been very skilled at her work, she departed not understanding the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Lately, we have each left the workforce so we're spending time together, but I am finding my role between us is to listen. I open subjects only for her to redirect them to things she cares about. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. I attempt to recommend verifying facts or other angles.

She's been planning a holiday to a country I've visited repeatedly and resided in for a while. I tried to share personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She purely just desired validation of her choices. I have come back from four weeks in that place and she wants to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I don't want to be a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, however, I feel she'll truly comprehend the effect of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in distancing myself. What should I do?

Possible Paths

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is rarely the easy answer we hope for. Yet having a direct talk aiming for resolution takes courage and willingness from both people.

Professional advice indicates applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially is to state how things go when you talk. It should be objective and clear and basically exactly what occurs. The second is to express how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no argument about this. Your feelings are your feelings, after all. The third step is to ask how the two of you can shift the dynamics of your friendship."

Keep in mind she too has her own side, thus requiring you to be prepared to hear that. A helpful technique is telling her:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

It's wildly effective in fostering better communication.

Key Takeaways

This person may dismiss everything, as some people cling to a deep-seated story: they have a story of their life they cannot abandon since their identity depends upon it being the only thing they trust. It's tough as there is no clear path here, just dead ends. But she may initially present defensively before reflecting about what you've said. And even if a resolution isn't found a resolution, it will give you peace that you've been truthful.